Public Advisories & Campaigns
Official campaign materials, public service announcements, and field reports from the Department of Unnecessary Flexibility. All materials are available for public distribution. Please use responsibly.
Know the Signs — PSA Series
Our public service announcements are designed to raise awareness about Excessive Flexibility Syndrome (EFS). Share them freely. The moderately stiff are counting on you.
Excessive Flexibility Syndrome (EFS) affects an estimated 3% of the adult population — but its impact on the remaining 97% is devastating. This PSA was developed in partnership with the Bureau of Below Average Physical Achievement to help citizens identify the warning signs before it's too late.
Key indicators include: unsolicited toe-touching, casual references to "opening up the hips," and the ability to sit cross-legged on the floor without requiring emergency assistance to stand back up.
"I Can't Do the Splits, But..."
A celebration of the everyday athletic achievements of the moderately stiff. These are the real heroes. These are our people.
"I can't do the splits, but i got out of a beanbag chair on the first try."
"I can't do the splits, but i tied my shoes without sitting down."
"I can't do the splits, but i picked up something off the floor without groaning."
"I can't do the splits, but i looked over my shoulder while backing up the car."
"I can't do the splits, but i put on socks while standing up."
"I can't do the splits, but i sneezed without throwing out my back."
Have your own "I Can't Do the Splits, But..." moment? Share it on Instagram and tag us.
Splits vs. Real Life
Our researchers spent months documenting real-world scenarios to answer the question: "Are the splits actually useful?" The results are in. They are not.
Does a full split to demonstrate his 'core stability' while reaching up. Takes 45 seconds. Knocks over a vase.
Uses a step stool. Takes 3 seconds. Eats a cookie while up there.
Slides into a split to look under the couch. Gets stuck. Needs help getting up. Remote was between the cushions.
Checks between the cushions first. Finds it immediately. Watches TV.
Attempts to demonstrate flexibility while entering a Honda Civic. Hits his head on the door frame. Pulls a muscle showing off.
Opens door. Sits down. Drives away. Like a normal person.
Drops into the splits 'because someone asked.' Nobody asked. Three guests feel inadequate. One tries to copy him and needs ice.
Tells a funny story. Eats seconds. Everyone has a great time.
DUF Directives & Regulations
The following directives have been issued by the Department of Unnecessary Flexibility to protect the rights and dignity of the moderately stiff.
Mandatory Reporting of Spontaneous Splits
All citizens are required to report any observed instance of unsolicited split-performing in public spaces. Failure to report may result in a stern look from a DUF agent.
Prohibition of the Word 'Supple' in Casual Conversation
The use of the word 'supple' to describe one's own body in non-medical contexts is hereby classified as a micro-aggression against the moderately stiff.
Establishment of Flexibility-Free Zones
Designated areas in parks, offices, and community centers where no stretching beyond a basic neck roll is permitted. Violators will be asked to leave politely.
The Bob Protocol
Named after Patient Zero, this directive establishes a standardized response protocol for when a middle-aged man performs the splits at a social gathering. Step 1: Do not clap. Step 2: Change the subject. Step 3: File Form DUF-7B.